


send-off

by lunatic_zephyr



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Do Not Archive, First Kiss, M/M, Panic Attacks, spoilers for ep 65
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 18:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18674968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunatic_zephyr/pseuds/lunatic_zephyr
Summary: Zolf is leaving. Hamid is panicking.





	send-off

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if this has been done before but *holds fic out* take the garbage

They're on the sixth restaurant when it fully hits him. He's halfway through a slice of cheesecake when the last of the shock finally ebbs away and he drops his fork with a clatter.

 

Zolf is leaving.

 

Zolf, who brought them all together, who's been the foundation of the party, who finally made Hamid feel like he could accomplish something, is leaving.

 

No matter how much he and Sasha obliterate the kitchens of every restaurant in the area, he can't get Zolf's defeated, apologetic expression out of his head, the way Zolf couldn't look Hamid in the eye as he fiddled with the driftwood dolphin he's been carrying all this time.

 

Zolf's leaving, and he's taking that smell of sandalwood and ocean air with him and Hamid knows he's never going to be able to go to the beach and not find some reminder of Zolf in every grain of sand and every crashing wave.

 

Zolf is leaving and Hamid will never have told him all the things about him that make Hamid feel like he's falling.

 

It feels wrong and he's panicking, heart hammering. Zolf's leaving the party, Zolf's leaving _him_ , Zolf's _leaving-_

 

“You alright, Hamid?” Sasha asks. All the food in Hamid's stomach starts churning, a frantic need welling up in his chest.

 

“I have to go,” he says, standing up from the table.

 

“Go? Go like Zolf, or just--go from here?” Sasha seems a bit bewildered.

 

“No, no, not like-not like Zolf.” Hamid chokes on the words a little bit. “I'll be back, I just-I've just got to sort something out.”

 

Sasha still looks confused, but Hamid pushes his plate of cheesecake towards her and she just shrugs. “Alright, mate. Watch yourself out there.”

 

Hamid mumbles a distracted farewell and leaves the restaurant, setting out to find Zolf.  

* * *

 

It isn't easy. He combs the area for almost two hours, stopping passerby and asking questions about a “dwarf with strange legs” in his clumsy, preliminary Czech.

 

Two dead ends, three crying sessions and a block later, he finds the dingy inn Zolf should be staying at. His hands are shaking when he casts Prestidigitation to fix his streaked eyeliner and rumpled clothes, and still shake when he raises a fist to knock on the door to Zolf's room.

 

The sound of a deadbolt scrapes, and the door opens. Zolf is standing there, looking tired, even distressed at the sight of Hamid.

 

“Hamid? What-”

 

“Can I come in?” Hamid asks, a little breathlessly.

 

“Wh-right. Yeah, sure.” Zolf breaks away from the door and retreats back into the room, leaving it open. Hamid timidly ventures in. Zolf's bag is an empty heap of fabric on the floor, and various things are spread out in a haphazard fashion across the small room.

 

“I know it's a mess,” Zolf says awkwardly. He tugs at his beard, restless as he watches Hamid carefully step around his mace. “I've just been…packing.”

 

“Packing,” Hamid echoes. “Right.”

 

There's an awful, painful silence then.

 

“You're really doing it, then? You're really leaving?” Hamid has to make sure. He has to know for certain.

 

Zolf sighs. “Yes, Hamid. I have to.”

 

Hamid looks at the things scattered around the room as he takes tentative steps towards Zolf.

 

“I'll miss you,” he says quietly. Zolf winces at this, and deflects.

 

“Why are you here, Hamid?” he asks wearily.

 

“Why am I-” Hamid shakes his head. “I'm here because you're my-” He hesitates. “-Because you're my friend and I don't know if I'm ever going to see you again and I just-I just have to say and do some things before you go because I don't know if I'll ever get the chance otherwise, and I think I'll regret it if I don't tell you-” His voice has gotten high and his breathing is shaky, and he hopes Zolf can understand him because he doesn't want to have to repeat himself.

 

“Hey, easy now, slow down.” To Hamid's equal relief and apprehension, Zolf steps toward him, hands uncertainly raised the way they always do when Hamid's on the brink of a panic attack.

 

“I can't!” Zolf's form blurs in front of him as tears fill Hamid's eyes. “I can't, not when you're leaving, not when there's not enough time-”

 

A sudden cracking sob makes his chest heave and he sways a bit at the force of it. Zolf mumbles something under his breath that sounds like a swear.

 

“Damn it, Hamid, you can't-” Zolf breaks off and takes a deep breath. Whatever he was going to say remains locked in his throat as Hamid gasps for air, and instead his hands come to rest on Hamid's shoulders.

 

“Just...take it easy, Hamid, alright? D-d'you remember that thing I taught you, with the breathing?”

 

He does, actually. Even in his light-headedness, Hamid can remember the time Zolf taught it to him, a simple deep breathing exercise. That sort of thing had never worked before, at university or even before that, but something about the way Zolf counted with him made the tightness in his chest ease.

 

 _“Think of it like the ocean,”_ Zolf had said. _“The tide, going in and out? You've got to make your breathing like that. I'll count with you and we'll do it together.”_

 

But that was then, and this is now. Still, he makes an effort to nod.

 

“Right, good. Try and do that with me now, yeah?”

 

Hamid just nods again, and takes a ragged breath, trying to pace it so that it lasts, and Zolf begins counting.

 

“-three, four, come on, breathe, that's it. Just like the ocean, remember?”

 

The tears flow a little faster, because Zolf has no right sounding so gentle when he's so close to leaving. Hamid knows he's being irrational as he focuses on the rise and fall of his own chest while his breathing evens, but he can't help it.

 

“There we go,” Zolf says, almost to himself as Hamid seems to calm a bit. His knuckles absently brush a few tears off Hamid's cheeks, his touch cool.

 

Hamid sniffles a bit, knowing his eyeliner is probably ruined again, and swipes at his eyes.

 

“Right, there we are. You're alright,” Zolf murmurs.

 

 _I'm not,_ Hamid wants to say, but he doesn't.

 

Without thinking, Hamid reaches up, his thumb skimming over a paper thin scar running across Zolf's cheekbone. Zolf has gone very still, his green eyes alight with confusion and something else.

 

“Hamid. What’re you doing?” Zolf's voice is soft but wary.

 

“Something stupid, probably,” Hamid breathes hoarsely.

 

With that, Hamid pulls Zolf down to his level and kisses him fiercely. A sort of startled noise rumbles in Zolf's throat, and his hands hover for a moment over Hamid's waist before settling, featherlight as he kisses back, gently. It's maddening, because Zolf is kissing him like they've got all the time in the world, like there's any room now for the soft affection Hamid's been wanting to give him for so long. Like there's another choice besides desperation and the salt from Hamid's tears lingering on their lips.

 

Hamid has to remind himself he's lucky that Zolf is kissing back at all.

 

And then, suddenly it's over. Zolf pulls back as much as he can with Hamid's arms around him, both of them breathless as they stare at each other. There's something dark and longing in Zolf's expression, there's something hot and sharp in Hamid's chest, and there's something making the blood pounding in his ears rise to a crescendo.

 

“Is-is that what you were going to tell me?” Zolf manages finally.

 

Hamid nods, swallowing hard. “I just-I just thought you should know. Before you leave.”

 

“Why?” It's barely a whisper.

 

“Because I need you to know what you mean to me,” Hamid says softly, “Because I know you're going to leave here thinking the worst of yourself and I just-I just need you to understand how much I-”

 

Zolf kisses him first this time, and Hamid's breath catches in his throat when he feels the hands on his waist tighten their grip, pulling him closer before one hand comes up to entwine itself in Hamid's carefully styled hair.

 

The hours he spent looking for Zolf have whittled away any of his inner hopeless romantic's fantasies. He knows this won't make Zolf stay, as much as he wishes it would.  

 

Still, when Zolf breaks away for half a moment, breathing hard as he says, “Close the door,” in that soft, low way of his, everything Hamid knows doesn't stop him from listening.

 

He's determined to give Zolf the proper send-off he deserves.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment/kudos please!!


End file.
